LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
