She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
