my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
