If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
