Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
