wat bout pragnant strippers??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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