you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
