As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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