my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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