so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
