3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
