how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
