dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
