So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
