I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
