Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
