apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can feel your judgement through the phone
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
