He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
