smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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