I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
