Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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