I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
