is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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