we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
