If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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