No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
