hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
