Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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