My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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