WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
