you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize