between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
how do flat chested girls get laid?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
