This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
