What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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