Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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