Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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