I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
