you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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