i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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