doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
