in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
