You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need to wash the frat house off of me
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
