I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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