Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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