I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
