he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
