I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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