If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
