meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
