he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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