im drinking this country out of the recession.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
